Here's Why We Made The Decision To Bottle Feed


In recent months, there's been a lot of talk about the ways we feed our babies.  The discussion around feeding babies has moved from 'breast is best' to 'fed is best'.  Still, when I listen to conversations about this topic Moms are usually saying things like ' my supply just didn't come in', or 'my baby wouldn't latch'.  Moms are still making excuses and not fully owning the right to make decisions on the right approach to feeding their baby.  So basically, 'fed is best' is okay if biology doesn't allow you to breastfeed.  While this is slight progress,  it is my belief that this is not good enough.  I don't hear anyone say, I plain decided on formula over breast milk.  Probably because this still seems a little bit taboo.  Well, guess what.  I just plain decided that formula feeding was the right decision for me and my family.  I had enough damn breast milk to feed my baby - and probably all yours too.  The idea of being solely responsible for feeding my baby and pumping was just so damn daunting.  The idea made me feel claustrophobic.


With my first son I tried breastfeeding and I pumped.  I hated it.  I hated every stinking last second of it.   Sometimes I still have flashbacks to the sound of that breast pump and it sends shivers down my spine.  I had an awful pregnancy because I suffered from a profound depression.  The thought of several more months of my  body being a vessel solely for my baby's well-being made me feel deeply sad, hopeless and scared that I would be depressed forever.  Quite frankly, after my first pregnancy all I wanted was some wine and a cigarette.  Nine months of very clean, responsible and boring behavior was enough for me.  I wasn't really surprised that I felt much the same way following my second pregnancy. 


Through my second pregnancy I kept an open mind to breastfeeding.  I thought, maybe some magical maternal switch will make me want to have this experience with my child.  I waited.  And waited.  This desire to feed my child from my boob never came.  However, the wine and cigarette desire did return... 


I just plain decided not to breastfeed again.  I struggled with the notion of selfishness around this.  I had all those mom guilt thoughts.  I worried about the health of my baby.  I worried what people would think.  My partner, Shawn, ultimately gave me the strength to just say no to breastfeeding.  To him it was simple, I had sacrificed my body for nine months.  If it didn't feel right to breastfeed, I just shouldn't.


At the end of the day, in our house, everyone's happiness matters - including mine.  I guess I needed a reminder of that from Shawn.  Making the decision to go with formula was right for us.  I felt immediate relief from stress once the choice was made.  I was better equipped to enjoy my baby because I was formula feeding.  I'm less stressed now with my four month old because everyone helps feed my baby.  I wish I'd had this freedom and confidence to make this choice with my first son, but you live and learn.  Both my boys are happy and healthy.  Thanks to formula, so am I.


Someone poor me another glass and pass me a light.